its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
ok first of all what the fuck
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
