The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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