Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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