i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Damn victory sex feels great
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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