Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
