Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
