good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
