The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
