bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize