i barfeds in our rink
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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