omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
