I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
