At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
