im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
