Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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