I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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