alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
