I puked a lego.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
