"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
