I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she woke up with a sticky ear
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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