and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
