I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
