I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
