I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
ok first of all what the fuck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
