Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
These tits shall not be calmed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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