someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You may now shotgun with the bride
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
