my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
