Pappa wants mamma naked
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
