I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
