i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
