Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
