Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
