He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
