Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
