Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
