do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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