therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
