Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
