The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
