The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
