i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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