I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize