i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
