He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
