shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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