Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
