awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
