I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it's like heaven, but drunker
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
