we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
