You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
