Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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