Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
