I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
