Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My balls are so social today.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
