I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
