Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
