Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
