Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
