just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
