I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it glows. i had to have it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
