we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
