Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's shark week go big or go home
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
