She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
