It's like a parade of train wrecks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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