Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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