gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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