She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
