I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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