True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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