Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
