He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
