Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
