Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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